To the End: A Patriotic Urn for Your Remains

Another beauty from reader Ann, who notes that it holds the ashes of someone 200lbs before cremation.  Thankfully the seller is very specific on that, ‘cause we don’t want any embarrassing overflow situations!

Just in case you’d like the CIA to close the file on you after you die, you should prove your devotion to the Red, White, and Blue with this lovely urn.

A Little Something for the Ladies

Ann Schneider shares this gem:

Your patriotism and these platforms make you stand tall!

9/11 Super Mega-American Blowout Sale Spectacular!

NEVER FORGET…that 9/11 has been turned into one of America’s most profitable holidays!  Whenever tragedy strikes, you can count on America to rise up, dust itself off, and start devising ways to make money from it.  There are people out there who will literally buy anything, which is what this blog is all about.  So let’s get started with today’s specials, shall we??

NOTE:  All items on this blog are 100% real and for sale if you do a little Googling, but I never link to them because I’d rather not enable more sales from morons with money to waste. :)

As the description says, this is a perfect baby shower gift.  Celebrate the birth of your child by commemorating the deaths of thousands!

And while we’re shopping for the baby, why not pick up a pair of these super cute WTC buildings in peril?  ”Agghhhh, we’re collapsing!!”  ADORABLE!

There’s no shortage of 9/11 commemorative coins out there, but this one is different.  Looky there:  the buildings actually STAND UP, as if risen from the ashes!  It’s the perfect item for idiots who buy fake money!

And while we’re talking about fake money, these 9/11 bills will surely get you arrested when you try to buy your favorite cheap beer and cigs.  Try it and see!

This 9/11 coloring book is so spectacularly tasteless and stupid, I can’t resist breaking my own rule and providing the link for where to buy it.  The 2012 edition apparently comes with Terrorist Trading Cards, so get yours today!

You may always remember 9/11, but if you nip enough moonshine from this hideous flask, you just might forget a few things…like where you live, for instance.

When you’re flippin’ burgers on the grill and sippin’ PBR with yer rowdy friends this 9/11, why not use this commemorative iPod speaker to blast some all-American hits?  My favorite is “Speak English Or Git Th’ Fuck Out” by Vern Dipschitt and the Kentucky Pitlickers.

For you classier folks out there who shun beer for the fermented, grapey taste of wine, you’ll want to grab a couple of cases of this 9/11 wine for some commemorative swilling.

When you’re out on the golf course with your fellow fat, plaid-pantsed businessmen and you feel the urge to pull out a box of Cubans (or rolls of cash) and light up a few while you all discuss more ways to carve the country up among yourselves, use this perfectly tasteful 9/11 lighter.  It’s only appropriate.

If you’re a pipe-smokin’ kinda guy, this collapsing Twin Towers pipe might be just what you’re looking for.  Smoke up!

I will certainly never forget this super hideous commemorative statue thing.

Here it is, the ultimate in 9/11 remembrance:  the 9/11 cribbage board!

And finally, it wouldn’t be a proper 9/11-o-rama without some crappy art created by some proud person who just learned basic Photoshop functions via an online course.